


No Place Like Home

by mad2thebone



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Teachers, F/F, Fluff, SO MUCH FLUFF, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-20 11:59:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3649557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mad2thebone/pseuds/mad2thebone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla returns to her High School to teach. Troubled by her past, she's determined to ignore everyone. Good thing there's a cute fellow teacher to help her break her habits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This turned out longer than expected. Also the school system is a bit weird, it's part german and part american due to translation problems, just roll with it, it doesn't matter ;)

“I’m going to show you the teacher’s room and introduce you to your colleagues, I think you’ll fit in perfectly.”

“Sure.” You say, rolling your eyes.

“There are some folks around your age and some of them are even… I believe you’d call it ‘queer’.” She actually uses air quotes and you wonder how she knows these things about her subordinates. “Maybe you’ll find some friends.”

“I’ve never played well with others, you should know, you raised me.”

At those words an honest laugh leaves her throat. “Oh, when I spoke to William the last time, he told me another story. He said you were successful befriending quite a number of young ladies at you university.” The smug expression on her face makes it painfully obvious, that she knows there was nothing particularly friendly about it. This is really not the kind of conversation you want to have with your mother.

“I’m going to kill him. And I can’t believe this is what we’re talking about.”

“Ok, fine, business then, as you wish. School starts on Monday. You’ll get your schedule later, the secretary will send them by mail to all teachers today. You’ll hear everything you need to know in the meeting. And since you’re back now, come to dinner sometimes, I missed you.”

~

You enter the already packed teacher’s room. The principal walks straight to a table near the windows where some people talk animated about something. They fall into silence when they notice their boss, but they all smile at the grey haired woman.

“Good morning,” she greets them. “I’d like to introduce the newest member of the teaching staff.” She looked at her expectantly. “Carmilla, these are some of your associates, this is Ms Perry-“

She points at a redhead with curly hair who nods in your direction.

“Ms Lawrence-“

Another redhead who stands behind the others waves her hand slightly at the mention of her name. She looks supernatural tall, at least half-giant.

“LaFontaine-“

“You can call me LaF.”

Are there other people than gingers at this place? You actually look around to check it, but it’s simply that group. This one has short hair and you notice the missing ‘Ms’ in front of their name. Spending five years at a liberal university told you enough about what that implies. Your mother didn’t bat an eyelash while introducing, maybe that’s why she knows about the ‘queer kids’ in the staff.

“this is Mr Kirsch, the football coach-” Even if he didn’t look at you with that dumb expression of a little puppy, the words football and coach would have been enough to know that you had to avoid that guy for your own sake.

“-and Ms Hollis.”

The last of the group was a small brunette who was currently eating.

“Cupcake?” She asks and offers you the box with a wide smile. You take one with a raised eyebrow. No one should be that excited at a meeting at 8 in the morning.

You feel an elbow nudge you and when you turn around, your mother flashes you a stern glance and nods towards the group. Right, you should say something.

“Hi, I’m Carmilla,” you say as bored as you can manage, because yes, you’ll work here, but it’s just a job, and the principal seems satisfied.

“I’ll introduce you to the rest later, it’s about time to start this meeting.“ She says and leaves you with those people you think she wants you to be friends with, but when you look at them the age might be the only thing you have in common with any of them.

“So, you must be the principal’s daughter.” The curly haired redhead states. You forgot her name already, so you settle for Ginger 1. And why anyone would deem that a good way to start a conversation is beyond your imagination.

“Must I be?” You drawl, mostly to shut her up.

Ginger 1 seems offended. Whatever. The small one clears her bag of the chair next to her and offers it to you. You take it and say “Thanks, cupcake,” because you have some manners after all, even if you can’t remember her real name. You kind of like the way she looks embarrassed to be called a petname by a total stranger before it clicks and she starts to laugh. She holds out her hand for you to shake.

“I’m Laura, by the way.”

Your mother chooses that time to officially start the meeting, and you are saved from any more small talk.

~

The meeting takes the whole morning and after half an hour you lose track of the topics. Why would you care about theater classes and team funding for various sports anyways? Instead you observe the people you’ll be working with for the next months.

Everyone in the room listens to the principal, and it doesn’t really surprise you that she clearly has their respect, but they also seem to like her, which shouldn’t have surprised you either. She was always good with people, even with you. And you haven’t called or visited in ages before she offered you that job. Maybe working here wasn’t that bad.

You see Ginger 1 pass a piece of paper to the short haired ginger like they weren’t high school teachers but students and Ginger 2 then winks back after reading it. Okay, maybe there is something going on between them.

Ginger 2 notices you and just shrugs. Maybe everyone knows there is something going on.

The puppy coach trys really hard to keep his attention to your mother, but his glances towards the giant are about as subtle as a wrecking ball. The giant, however, doesn’t seem to notice at all. She is completely occupied with listening to news about the track team.

You start doodling some patterns in your notebook and wait for the time to pass. You would have taken out the book you are currently reading, but you decided it was better not to be that disrespectful on the first day. Everyone would know you got the job because of your mother, at least you could try to be professional.

The tiny one, Laura, is watching you. You catch her staring over your shoulder. Her eyes flick down to the notebook and you instantly close it. So much for being professional. But there was that wide smile again. How could she, after almost three hours of someone talking, still look _not_ annoyed?

It grows loud. All the people in the room are suddenly talking and rustling through their things.

“Hey.” That is Laura again. “We’re all going to lunch to that little diner down the street. Would you like to join us?”

Great. More socializing. But at least you have a good excuse, you don’t even have to lie.

“I guess I should head home, finish unpacking.”

“Maybe next time.”

She’s persistent, even better. You try hard not to roll your eyes. “Yeah maybe.” Be nice, Carmilla, at least for now. “Uh, thanks for the invitation.”

They all grab their things and head out when your mother makes her way over to you.

“Anything else you wanted to know?”

“I’m good.”

“And if you need any help, here or with your apartment-“ At this point you don’t even know why you’re shutting her out. You’re just used to do it.

“Like I said, I’m good.”

~

“Shit.”

You put your index finger in your mouth to soothe the pain. You’re setting up some shelves in your apartment to stack your books and it is the third time you cursed out loud or hissed in pain in your empty apartment. How hard could it be to build a fucking IKEA shelf?

The apartment is small and kind of crappy, but you don’t own much anyways. Your possessions are limited to the bed you brought over from your mother’s house, a desk and two shelves. You had lived in a partly furnished dorm room for the last years and there was not much space for anything else.

Your mother had offered you to move back in at first, but coming back to your hometown is one thing, moving back to your childhood bedroom something totally different, so you had declined. Instead you got this flat that only consists of one room, a bathroom and a little kitchen. It is definitely enough for now.

You weren’t entirely sure, that this was a good idea. When your mother called and asked how you were doing, it first sounded like a joke when she said “You could teach history at my school, there is an open spot. In fact, you’d do me a favor.”

Your major was philosophy. You added history later and you were completely aware that that wasn’t the optimal precondition for a life of wealth and fame. The truth was that you never really knew what to do with your life. You would have stayed at the university otherwise, probably got one or two more useless degrees just to do something.

You never liked people, let alone loud, young people, what made the proposition even more ridiculous, but it is close to your mother and also closer to Will, who lives about an hour away, so you accepted. You mostly avoided both of them in the last years and the three days since you moved were not different, except for the meeting this morning, but it was nice to know they were around.

It is getting dark when you finally complete the shelf and unpack all of your books. You decide to call it a day and leave the rest. In your kitchen is nothing but a few bottles of beer, so you pop one open, order pizza and sit on your little balcony. The view is nice.

~

“Good morning.” You’re pretty sure there has to be some rule against happiness on a Monday morning.

“If it was a good morning, I’d be in my bed, asleep.” You mumble into your almost empty mug. You think no one heard it, but the tiny brunette starts to laugh.

You have ten more minutes before you have to be in class, so you decide you need a second coffee. When you return to your previous spot, Laura sits on the opposite side of the table, hidden by an enormous stack of paper, books and a time planner.

“Do you usually carry your weight in paper with you, cupcake?”

“What?” she asks distracted, before she lifts her head. She can barely see you above the stack. “Oh, that.” She realizes. “Those are the copies I made and the books I need for this week. I’ll place them in my classroom and then I don’t have to do anything but teaching until next weekend.”

Is that a thing you should start? You decide you’ll be fine. Improvising worked for you in high school, and at university, too. As long as you keep track of the topics for the curriculum, you can do this with minimal effort.

“So you’re the responsible, prepared type.” You’re not sure if she catches on the hint of sarcasm.

“This’ll probably last two or three weeks, then I’m back to being chaotic and late with all my work. But I try to be better every year.” She flashes you a grin and then picks up her enormous stack of paper. “I should head to my class, or I won’t even be on time for those two or three weeks.”

Laura struggles for a moment with the doorknob and she looks utterly ridiculous. You’re impressed that she even can walk straight, because she clearly can’t see were she’s going. “Would you mind?” she asks you and even if it’s early and you don’t start to function properly before 10am, you kind of feel bad for not helping on your own and that’s a truly unknown thing for you.

You decide that it is time to go anyways, so you grab your mug and your black leather bag, before you make your way over to open the door.

~

“God, they are so stupid.” You mutter under your breath as you make your way back into the teacher’s room during lunch break. You are one of the first ones there, maybe because you had waited for the bell as much as the students had.

You take a seat on an empty table and take out your lunch. Shortly after, the majority of the teaching staff returns to the room. You are about to bite in your sandwich when Laura and the ginger sasquatch join you on your table. You really have to learn those names, if they are around you all the time. Or you could ignore them, maybe they would go away.

“So, how were your first lessons?”

Obviously not. Then they should get used to honest answers.

“They reminded me why I hate children.”

“Why would you become a teacher when you hate children?” the giant asks irritated.

“I had nothing better to do.”

Laura bursts out laughing but the ginger giant just looks dumbfounded for a moment and begins ruffling through her bag. “This country sure has a bright future with people like you teaching kids.”

“I bet you’re right, grandpa,” you mock, and seriously, how old is she? No one under the age of 50 makes comments like that.

“As much as I’d like to continue this, I should take my lunch with me, I have to watch my girls later. Bye Laura. Karnstein.” She leaves and you’re definitely not sad about it.

“Did I scare her away?” If the answer is yes, you have to remember what you just did.

“No,” Laura snickers. “Danny spends the afternoons with various sports teams, and she takes teaching really serious, so she usually wants to be at the gym before any of the students arrive.”

Danny. You think you can remember that, but there’s something about her you instantly disliked. Maybe you should call her ginger giant or some of the other nicknames you gave her in your head just for the fun of it. “Sports, huh? She looks like a jock.”

“She also teaches English. Like me. So, what did the little monsters do to you?”

“There was always someone asking about the same damn thing I explained half a minute earlier. Some of them have that annoying habit of snapping their fingers to get my attention, and there’s always someone who has to go to the toilet.”

“Were they loud? Did they throw things at you?”

“No.” Now that you think about it, when you were in high school there were far worse students than all of them today.

“Then I guess you did good. They were listening, that’s the most important thing. Maybe you scared them. You sure look unconventional, for a teacher.”

You look at your own clothes, leather pants, boots and a tank top, everything in black of course, and at the other people in the room. It’s not hard to spot what she’s referring to. “Sorry, cupcake. I really don’t own turtlenecks and jeans in funny colors. Or these button-ups that look so cute on you.”

Shit, did you just say that? You instantly scold yourself for it. You know where these comments normally lead to. Sleeping with random girls at university was fine, you never had to see them again, but flirting with associates was something you shouldn’t even start.

Although she does look cute in that button up. And it’s just flirting. There is no harm in a little flirting.

“I didn’t say you should wear something else. It suits you.”

And you shouldn’t worry about a tame little comment, when you’re clearly not the only one making them. You’re saved from answering by the Ginger Twins who join you at your table, so you take the opportunity and bury yourself in your book for the rest of the break.

~

The rest of the week goes by pretty uneventful. You don’t hide your personality in class and when you watch closely you think there are some kids who truly appreciate you sarcastic comments about their fellow students that talk or don’t do their homework.

You get used to talking in front of a class and even though you still hate the annoying questions those kids ask you, when they could just listen to what you said minutes earlier, you try to see them as validation that they make an effort. It makes you think of Laura and the way she laughed when you thought they were torturing you.

You stay mostly to yourself during the lunch breaks. You always bring a book and the other teachers seem to accept that. Most of the time you sit silent at a table with the people your mother introduced to you at your first day and read.

They have their conversations next to you, and sometimes they try to make you participate but you never do. You overhear some things though, like that the ginger twins are engaged, or that the puppy coach clearly has a thing for the ginger giant, while she ignores him.

For some reason the only one of them you ever see without the others is Laura. She keeps showing up at your table in the morning for coffee and during lunch break a little earlier than the rest of them and sometimes she asks about your day or comments on the things that happened in her class and you’re surprised to realize that you don’t mind.

She usually offers you some sort of sweets. You discover that she always has some cookies or cupcakes with her, in fact you have never seen her eat anything with nutritive value and you wonder how she survives. But then you think about the cold pizza and the leftovers from last night’s Chinese that currently are in your fridge and you’re possibly in the wrong position to judge.

~

It’s Tuesday in your second week at Silas High and you sit in the deserted teacher’s room. You have a free period every Tuesday and you hope you’ll keep the room for yourself during the year. You make yourself comfortable with a cup of coffee and Kant when someone smashes the door open. You jump and when you look up you see Laura standing in the door, scanning the almost empty room.

“Sorry.” She says as she spots you. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

You shrug and wait for her to explain why she’s here in the first place.

“So, you’re here alone?” She asks and walks over to your table. You can’t help but chuckle. It sounds like a bad pick up line. “I mean, is no one else here but you?” She corrects herself.

“Just me.”

She bites her lip for a second while she thinks about something. “I guess then you’re my only option.” You think about whether you should find that offensive or not when she starts to talk again in rapid speed.

“I mean, I noticed you like being to yourself and you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, but Danny just left. Her brother had an accident and I promised to cover her lesson, but I wanted to take my students outside today, because it’s maybe one of the last really warm days and now I have two classes and I can’t take them out all by myself. So you can stay here and enjoy your free time if that’s what you want, then I’ll stay with them and change between the rooms to make sure they work, but…”

You stare at her the whole time, mostly because you can’t believe someone can actually talk that fast, but you get the essential thing, that she wants you to help her, so you cut her off. “Cupcake, you ramble.”

She blushes and looks at the floor, so you add “What do you want me to do?”

Her face lights up instantly and before you know what happens, there are arms wrapped around you and she’s hugging you tight. Your arms dangle awkward on your sides and you don’t really move until she pulls away and says “Sorry.”

You assure her it’s okay and then ask again about your task.

“Don’t worry, I’ll do everything, you just look out for them. See that no one skips. Tell them to be quiet maybe. I figured we could do the text analysis outside as good as in the classroom.”

~

You end up doing mostly nothing during the whole lesson.

Laura leads the two classes to a spot under some trees and they all arrange around her in a half circle. You walk around for some minutes, but you decide you can watch them good enough without moving, so you lean back against the stem of a tree and let you eyes wander.

Every once in a while you shoot a pointed glare towards single students or groups and it works, at least on short notice.

You find yourself watching Laura half way through the lesson. She cracks a joke about the text they’re reading and her expression when the kids collectively laugh about it is pure joy. The way she talks animated with her whole body, her hands gesturing draws your eyes in and you have to remind yourself that you’re here to keep an eye on the students, not her.

~

Three weeks at Silas High and you can’t think of any more excuses to avoid dinner with your mother. She asked you three times already and you begin to feel guilty every time you run into her, so you decide you can pull through one evening.

She invited Will, too, and when you arrive and he crushes you into a hug, you wonder for a brief moment what kept you away in the first place.

He teases you the whole evening like he used to do when you were both in high school and the majority of things leaving your mouth are insults.

After dinner he asks you if you continue your college habits now that your back home, and you pretend to be oblivious to what he’s talking about even if his smug grin tells you immediately.

“How are the ladies?” he clarifies and when you roll your eyes and ignore him he launches into a story about the few days he was visiting you the year before and you went to your favorite bar.

“Once they figured out I was her brother I was busy to get rid of all these girls the whole evening. And like, wow, I’m not kidding, there were a lot and almost all of them pretty hot. Most of them told me she should just call them back sometimes. And then there was the one who said, I should tell Carmilla she’s an asshole.” He tells your mother and they both laugh. Once again this is really not the subject you deem appropriate for a conversation with the woman who raised you, so you try to change topic fast.

Your mother provides a bottle of red wine, but you decide on a glass of whiskey instead. You never really liked the taste of wine and also holding a wine glass makes you feel awkward. It’s just too sophisticated and you don’t feel grown up enough for that.

~

The topic of the conversation gravitates towards the school and your mother explains the budget troubles she had in the last weeks to Will. You laugh about the utterly ridiculous expectations some of the parents voiced in her office hours when they inevitably focus on you and your job there.

You try to dodge most questions and answer as generally as possible. Yes, you settled in well. Yes, it’s less bad than you expected. And no, the students don’t make you lose your mind.

“Anybody your type? Or are they all in their sixties with false teeth?” Will asks and you ignore him so he adds “At least someone you can go out for a beer with every once in a while?”

“They’re not all _in their sixties_ , don’t worry.” Your mother answers for you and laughs. “And at least you’re casually sitting with some people. I even heard, that you helped Ms Hollis out last week during your free time.”

“You helped? Like voluntarily? Is she hot?” Will chimes in and you don’t think he deserves an answer to that. “Who told you?” You ask your mother instead.

“She did.” She says, and before you can think about why this was something Laura would talk about to her boss, she explains ”I saw you talking to her, so I asked her if she believes you settled in well and if you like it. Since you’re not talking to me, I had to find someone who does. I only wanted to know if my employee is content with her job.”

You feel guilty, because the few times you saw your mother at school you did answer in monosyllables and ran off with excuses of things you had to do before your next class, so you decide to drop it and just say “Sorry, mom.”

“It’s okay” she says. “I’m glad you don’t spend your breaks alone. I guess you tolerate some of them, at least.” They both worry about you and you know they just act like this because they think you’re lonely. Maybe you are.

“I want to get back to why you’re voluntarily helping. You have to really like her if she gets you to do anything for her,” Will says, and of course he can’t drop it. You turn to your mother for help, but she seems curious, too.

He could be right. It’s highly unusual for you, and you understand why it’d surprise him to hear something like that, but that doesn’t mean that you’d acknowledge that.

“She doesn’t annoy me as much as most people,” you say, and you think that’s definitely not a lie. “I was the only one there, she was looking for help and all I had to do was sitting under a tree, so it’s not a big deal.”

Will doesn’t look like he’s buying it, but he stops prying.

“If she doesn’t _annoy_ _you as most people_ ,” your mother starts and you roll your eyes at her terrible impression of you. “-you’ll have no problem accompanying her on her field trip with her tenth graders in two weeks.”

It hits you with surprise and you really have no idea how to react to that, so you just stare at her until you can think of anything to say. “Don’t you plan these things before school starts, during the summer?”

“I do, but Mrs Cochran was scheduled for that, and her husband was diagnosed with cancer only weeks ago. She asked, if I could find someone to take over, so she doesn’t have to leave him alone for five days. I didn’t, until now.” She’s serious and it sounds a lot like an order, so obviously you don’t want to do it. She can’t just decide something like that without even asking you.

“What if I have plans?” You don’t have plans, and you don’t think she’ll believe it either, but it’s worth a try.

“Do you?” She asks and then she starts to laugh hard. “I was just messing with you, I’m not forcing you, it’s completely your decision.”

You can feel the tension you hadn’t even noticed leaving your body and you still don’t really like the idea, but it’s nice to know that you have a choice. You think about your previous reaction and it’s a little embarrassing that you still instantly oppose anything someone tells you to do, like a stubborn teenager.

“I’d do it. It’s basically a vacation you don’t have to pay for and it’s better than lurking around your apartment, which I’m sure you’d do otherwise. You could accidentally have some fun, you know,” Will says. “Where are they going?”

“Rome.”

“Okay, bonus points. Do it!”

He’s far too excited at the thought of _you_ doing a field trip, but the way he puts it you start to think about it. There’s not that much you’d miss here and there are a lot of things to see. You never been to Rome, so you could even say it’s for your own benefit.

“If you need someone to go, I guess I could,” you say reluctantly, because you can’t give them the satisfaction of knowing how much you got to like the idea in only a few minutes.

They smile at you and you think about Laura. It’s true, you don’t mind her, at all, but being with her for five days straight might change that. You hope it doesn’t.

~

Over the next two weeks you get about what feels like at least thousand e-mails with every detail of your trip. Laura tells you the exact route your bus will be taking, where you’ll have to stop, how long you’ll be on the road, the number of students that will attend, and everything you never wanted to know about your hostel. She even lists the number of rooms and how many people fit in each of them and you start to believe that you should have simply said no.

You stop reading properly and just skim over her texts when she starts planning every sight you’ll be seeing on every single day and you wonder if you’ll see anything of that city but 500 year old churches. You teach history after all, and you were always interested in art and architecture that tells stories, but that list is just excessive.

At first you were afraid she’d be getting on your nerves every time you see her, but surprisingly she keeps it down. Most of the time she only asks if you got her recent mail and encourages you to tell if you have any further suggestions.

Your usual answer is a nod and an indefinite humming. She accepts it.

~

The morning the trip starts you walk into the central station five minutes after you were supposed to meet Laura. She insisted, that you two should be there before the students arrive, so it’s still far too early and since you’ve never been one to be on time you consider five minutes an accomplishment.

You wear your leather jacket and pull your small black suitcase behind you and, since it’s a sunny morning, you hide behind sunglasses. The only other thing you have with you is a small backpack for your lunch, a bottle of water and, of course, a book.

You spot Laura almost immediately. She stands next to a timetable and you can’t help but grin on the sight. Her suitcase is a least double the size of yours and she has something like a hiking backpack on her back that is almost her extent. In her hands she has a lot of different papers and you suspect she has this whole trip printed at full length.

She greets you with an infectious smile when you walk over and the only way you can think of describing her, with all of her belongings is adorable. You try not to question it.

“You plan on moving there?” you ask while eyeing her luggage.

She chuckles. She does that a lot when you mock her. “My dad taught me to always be prepared.”

“And that’s more important than a slipped disk, I suppose.”

“Don’t worry, I never take more than I can handle.”

You wonder if that’s valid for more than just luggage, but to comment on that feels too personal and it’s not like you’re friends. Instead you nod and only moments later you spot the first group of students walk in your direction.

It takes another 25 minutes for all of them to arrive. Laura checks their names with her list and hands out papers with the address of the hostel and her number. She tells the kids not to lose it or to save it in their phones before she hands you also one.

“You should give me your number, too. In case we have to split up.”

You take out your barely used phone ,save her number and press call.

“Great,” she says, as her phone begins to play some pop song you don’t recognize. Which is no surprise at all due to the fact that you haven’t listened to pop music in years. She types something what you assume is your name and then catches you off guard when she lifts her phone and snaps a picture of you.

“For the caller ID,” she says and you usually hate people taking pictures of you, especially unannounced, but you decide that she’s the only one seeing it, and only if you call her, and you don’t complain.

~

Laura leads the group outside to where your bus is supposed to pick you up and you follow. That’s your plan for the next five days anyways, let her take the lead and look if there’s something you can help with.

You take your seat behind the driver while the students sit scattered upon the rest of the space and Laura does a last headcount before the bus pull out of the parking lot. You’re mentally prepared for a eight hour ride and it’s even earlier than your usual start at school so you lean back and try to sleep a bit.

You wake up one and a half hours later and you’re glad that you took the chance for a nap while the kids were still sleepy. They’re all chatting and laughing and it’s loud. After yawning and blinking a few times you notice that Laura is watching you.

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

She’s clearly amused, and maybe you look even less awake than you feel.

You’re not able to build complete sentences so you just listen when she explains to you where you are and that you’ll stop for a short break in about 20 minutes.

The first thing you do after the bus stops is getting a coffee. You see your reflection in a mirror and you instantly see what was so funny about your appearance. The sleepy face kind of ruins your usual ‘badass in black leather’- look. You go to the restroom, splash some water in your face and fix your eyeliner until you deem yourself presentable again.

When you’re back on the road again Laura has apparently decided that now you are awake and it’s time for some small talk. She jokes about how you seem more dead than alive before having a coffee before she asks “So, how did you end up at Silas?”

“Well, you know who hired me.”

“Mrs Karnstein is Voldemort? I’m shocked.” It takes you a few seconds to realize how this is related to what you just said. But you should have guessed she was the type of person that made casual Harry Potter references in the middle of a random conversation.

“She’s really not. But I guess you know that. You met her.”

You both smile and she nods, but she doesn’t let go. “You pretty much clarified, that it wasn’t you dream to be a teacher. So what made you take the job?”

You asked yourself that question more than once and you’re still not sure about the answer. So you settle for the safe answer. The one that is definitely true. “I wasn’t kidding when I said, I had nothing better to do. I was hanging around at university, wondering what to do next when my Mom called and said, there’s an open spot, you could start with that. So I went back to high school, five years after I left.”

“You went to Silas? With your Mom as principal? Sounds like fun.”

“Oh yeah, she used to come home and interrogate me and my brother over dinner about the things she heard about us from our teachers. She always knew. Maybe that’s why I moved across two countries after that.” That’s not why, but you don’t want to tell her about your shattered teenage heart, and at least the rest is true.

As long as you leave out the really personal parts you’re surprised that it’s actually really easy to talk to Laura. You talk about your respective universities and she tells you about her father and about her friends, the ginger squad. You accidentally use the term and for a moment you think that was totally inappropriate, but she tells you it’s endearing.

Later she tells you, that teaching wasn’t her first choice either. “I always wanted to be a journalist, but there are not that many big stories around rural Austria. I wanted to stay close to my Dad, so I took the opportunity when they needed someone in my profession just half an hour away. And I really love it now.”

You talk for a while and when you fall into silence again it’s not uncomfortable. You take out your book and read until the next stop.

~

The next break is around noon. You’re at a motorway service station and it’s hard enough to keep your eyes on all of the various little groups of students. When it’s time to get back and you usher some of the late ones towards the bus, you notice the black clouds that have appeared on the sky. You curse yourself for not checking the weather forecast and hope it’ll just pass fast.

It starts raining heavily a few minutes later and once you see the first thunderbolt on the horizon you close the curtains at your window. The sound of the rain splatter against the bus makes you twitchy, so you take out your headphones and turn up the volume. You don’t really hear the music, but it helps to black out your surroundings. You stare at the ground, because your window is the only one that is covered and your grip on your knees is tight.

It takes all the strength you have to keep your breathing constantly and you hate that you’re this weak, that this is happening every single time and most of all, that it has to happen now that you’re with a bunch of people who really shouldn’t know this about you and you have nowhere to hide.

You feel a hand covering yours and you don’t have to look up to know whose it is. You’re embarrassed. She shouldn’t see you like this. Your first impulse is to shake it off but her touch helps keeping you grounded, so you resist it.

Her hand is warm on yours and after a few minutes you even relax slightly. She squeezes your hand and you have no idea how much time actually has passed. You look up and find her eyes. She silently signals you that it’s over and when you glance outside you see the rain has slowed down to a drizzle and the sky is much lighter than before. You unplug your headphones and you don’t know if you should mention what just happened.

“You’re okay?” she whispers and you’re glad that she doesn’t draw anyone’s attention to this.

You nod and she eyes you a few more times, clearly worried, but lets you go back to your book.

~

It’s late afternoon when you arrive at your hostel and it takes another hour for everyone to move into their respective rooms. The room you share with Laura is at the end of the floor and you guess that it’s been at least 20 years since anything was refurbished, but it looks clean. You’ve seen the other rooms and you’re glad that you’re a teacher and not a student because it saves you from sleeping in a bunk bed.

After dinner you go for a collective stroll. Laura leads the group with a gigantic map of the city and you walk a little bit behind her. Rome at night is beautiful and it’s warm for October so you blank out the babbling kids around you and take it all in.

You’re halfway to the destination Laura has picked when someone notices there are three kids missing. Laura starts to panic instantly and headcounts frantically. It’s just the three of them and you suggest that you wait, since they’re probably behind because they saw something sparkly and they’ll catch up.

You argue her out of forming search parties and ten minutes later they join the group again. It turns out that they were looking at some shop window and took a wrong turn after that, but some other student messaged them your spot and they made their way with google maps.

You refrain from saying _told you so_ and pay a little more attention to the students after that for the sake of Laura’s blood pressure.

~

You go to bed as soon as you’re back at the hostel and Laura does the same after checking all of the rooms. It takes only a few minutes for her breathing to even out and snore quietly. You stare at the ceiling for a long time but finally you fall asleep. It doesn’t last long and you’re drifting in and out of sleep frequently until you grab your boots and jacket and leave the room.

You sit on the stairs at the front door. The bell of a nearby church tells you that it’s 2am. Being outside calms you, but this is just one of those nights and you don’t expect to get to sleep at all, so you can simply stay here.

You look at the small pile of cigarette stubs on the ground and light the next one when the door behind you opens.

“You smoke?”

You turn around and it’s Laura in her pajamas and a hoodie.

“Occasionally,” you answer, and it’s true. You never really started, but it’s something you usually do when you have some drinks or when you think too much. It keeps your hands occupied.

“I woke up and you weren’t in your bed, so I thought I should look for you. You know, see if you’re okay. But I can leave if you want to be alone.”

“No, it’s okay.” You normally don’t have company during those nights, and you like it that way. It’s strange to let someone see you like this, but for some reason it doesn’t bother you right now. Maybe it’s because she already saw you panicking this afternoon and was nothing but respectful about it.

“Rough night?” she asks and sits down on the stairs next to you.

“You could say that.”

You wait for her to dig deeper and you’re not sure if you want her to, or not. She surprises you once more when she points at you cigarette.

“Do you have one for me?”

You hold out the package for her and light the cigarette she puts between her lips. She inhales and starts to cough immediately but she doesn’t throw it away. She squinchs up her face when she says “It hasn’t improved in the last 10 years.”

“You used to smoke?” She doesn’t seem like the type for that, so you’re actually curious.

“My boyfriend did, back in the days. He desperately wanted to be cool. He convinced me, too, sometimes,” she explains. She drags again, this time more careful and she doesn’t have another coughing fit.

“Sounds like a truly awesome guy.” You snicker.

“It didn’t last long. It turned out that smoking wasn’t the only thing that wasn’t for me.” She looks at you and a mischievous glint appears on her face before she adds “About a year later, when I had my first girlfriend.”

It honestly makes you laugh and that’s something you’re not used to when you’re in a mood like this. The weight on your chest feels a lot less heavy and nobody ever had that effect on you. You don’t even know if she does it on purpose.

You don’t think about it, after a moment of silence you just start to talk.

“My parents died in a car accident.” You haven’t talked about this in years, there had been no one you were ever comfortable enough to say it and the two people you were comfortable around already knew. “I was ten. We were on our way back home from a friend’s house and it rained heavily. There was a lot of water on the road and the car slid of the street in a bend. We flipped over multiple times and my mom was gone straight away. My dad stayed awake with me for a while, but we were trapped in the car and he was hurt pretty bad. He passed away before the ambulance got there.”

You hear your voice crack, but you’re not about to cry. You feel too numb for that.

“They told me I was in there about six hours but it felt like an eternity. It was dark, aside from the thunderbolts that illuminated the car every once in a while and the thunder blared in my ears. The principal, she’s actually my dad’s cousin. I went to live with her and her son after it happend.”

“I’m glad you had someone to take care of you.” It’s all she says and maybe she doesn’t know how to react, but you’re glad she doesn’t use _I’m sorry for your loss_ or some other set phrase like that.

“It took me years to call her mom, but she really is.”

You fall into silence again and you realize, that you just told your sob story to someone you only met a few weeks ago.

“I’m sorry. We barely know each other, I shouldn’t have-“

“How can you get to know someone, if you don’t tell them stuff about yourself? There’s really no need to apologize. I’m glad you told me, I was really worried this afternoon.” She hesitates for a moment. “My mom is dead, too. Thyroid cancer. I was twelve and I was with her when she died. I mean, I knew it would happen, but that doesn’t prepare you at all. It’s been my dad and I ever since.”

She gives you a small smile and adds “Now you know something personal about me as well and don’t have to feel bad about telling me.”

“Thanks.” You say quietly and it’s for both listening and sharing. It’s amazing how easy she can make you feel better. You remember that it’s the middle of the night and suggest that Laura goes back to sleep. She asks if you’re going to be okay and you assure her that you’ll follow soon.

You actually do, even if you planned on sitting outside for the rest of the night, but after she leaves, you find yourself thinking about her more than anything else and when you go back to your room you fall asleep shortly after you lay down.

~

You spend the next day in various churches across the city. You know some stories about their construction time or about the artists that painted some of the mural art you heard in your lectures and you share the odd ones with Laura and whoever of the students is nearby.

You keep watching the students closely and while it takes at least until afternoon for you to get bored, you notice the first kids complaining after two or three hours. It’s not that long since you were in their position and you remember how awful it is to walk in flocks, so you make a decision. After you get back to the hostel you wait for Laura to go to your room before you go to every room and tell them, they can spend the evening how they want.

“If this doesn’t work out we won’t let you out of sight for the rest of the trip. I don’t want to see anyone drunk and there will be room checks at ten. Please be back until then, or I’ll be in trouble with Ms Hollis.” You send them off with a wink and return to your room.

Laura is in the shower and you sit on your bed and read until she emerges from the bathroom. It’s really quiet on the whole floor and she looks out of the door, clearly confused. She leaves the room and returns shortly after.

“Why are all the rooms empty?”

You know you shouldn’t be that smug, but you can’t help it. “Because I gave them the evening off.”

“You did what? You let a bunch of children run off alone in a city they don’t know?” You hear the panic in her voice and you think she might be going through all options to make them return as soon as possible.

“Relax, they’re 16, not six. They have maps on their phones and they’ll be back at ten, I promise. Let them have some fun.”

“Fun? Are you serious?”

”Come on, it’s not that long since you were their age don’t tell you forgot what it’s like. They can handle that. Plus, I threatened them to be back on time.”

That last argument seems to get to her but she doesn’t drop the subject. “You should have discussed that with me first.”

“I should. But would you have said yes?”

“No,” she says slowly after considering for a moment and you think she sees your point.

“Okay, I’ll trust you with this, but you’re responsible if anything happens.” She’s looking at you for a while before she asks “What are we doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I believe you got us the evening off, too. So what are we doing?”

You haven’t thought any further than to sit here and read in peace, but she’s right, you shouldn’t spend your time in a dark hostel room while you’re on vacation. Being on your feet the whole day made you hungry, so your thinking process is kind of one-sided. “We are in Rome. I think we can’t go home without eating original Italian food at least once.”

She agrees and you find a small restaurant in a side street. You let her talk the most of the time, but it’s been years since you actually enjoyed a conversation with someone other than your family and you really have a good time. What surprises you even more is that you never reach the point where you just want to run away like it usually happens when you spend time with your mother or Will.

You use the time you have to full capacity and stroll around the city looking at some of the old illuminated fountains that are on almost every square. The whole evening feels a lot like a date, but you try to shake off the thought. You don’t date. And you’re here for work, you’re just having a nice evening with a coworker.

~

The next two days pass almost uneventful. One of the students cuts his leg while you’re in the catacombs and it bleeds heavily, but of course Laura carries a first-aid kit in her hiking backpack and the initial discomposure among the students is over soon.

You roll your eyes when you watch every student taking photos in front of the colosseum and you spend almost an entire day in Vatican city and the museums there. It’s the last evening and you think, you’ve seen all the touristy sights when you return to your room.

Laura follows soon after and tells you, that you’re going to enjoy your last evening in the city. “Since it worked so well when you did it, I let the kids go have some fun on their own.”

After dinner you have still a lot of time, so you suggest having a drink. Laura is concerned at first, because you’re still technically at work and you have to be the responsible adults here, but you tell her, that it’s just a drink and no one will notice, so she agrees.

You find a bar and you settle for gin tonic. Pure whiskey, which is your usual drink might be a little strong. Laura drinks some sort of fruity cocktail and hers is almost empty as fast as yours is. You order a second and a third and she follows your lead.

You feel a little tipsy but you’re all right when you look at a watch and notice that you have to get back to see if all the students are where they should be. When you tell Laura and she gets up to go to the bathroom before you leave, it’s clear that she’s far from sober.

You pay for the drinks and wait for her at the entrance. It takes much longer than you expected until she comes back and when you step out into the cool air it hits her even harder. You have to hurry, so you lay your arm around her waist and help her walking straight.

She giggles a lot and tells you some incoherent things and you think maybe this wasn’t your smartest idea. She leans her head on your shoulder and you hope she doesn’t fall asleep until you reach your destination.

You arrive at your hostel and you help her up the stairs before you lay your finger on you lips and signal her to be quiet. It’s kind of ridiculous, you’re the teachers and no one is going to scold you, but you’re sure she wouldn’t want the students to see her like that. You sneak to your room, set her on her bed and make sure she’s okay before you leave to check on the students.

You’re 15 minutes late and they are all in their respective rooms so you return to your own. You get yourself a glass of water and prepare one for Laura, too, who is currently in the bathroom and you think you hear her brushing her teeth. It’s kind of impressive to think about something like that in her condition.

You change and sit in your bed when she emerges from the bathroom. She sits next to you and gazes unsteady at you. “Usually I don’t drink.”

“I would never have guessed, cupcake. You drink like a pro.” You chuckle and she clearly doesn’t understand the irony.

“Really?” It makes you laugh harder.

“No.”

She pouts, but it doesn’t last long. “I had so much fun.” She hugs you clumsily and because of the way you sit in your bed she almost lays on top of you.

“Me too.” You rub her back carefully and wait for her to get up, but she doesn’t move. “Laura?”

She doesn’t respond and you think you can just sleep in her bed. You try to get up but her grip around you is tight. Every time you move she snuggles against your chest and finally you give up. You pull the blanket over the both of you and close your eyes.

~

When the alarm drags you out of sleep the next morning there is still a heavy weight on your chest. You push snooze with closed eyes but try to keep yourself from falling asleep again. You hear a growl, the weight shifts and then it’s gone. You’re still in your hazy state.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.”

You crack your eyes open and Laura stands next to your bed staring down at you.

“I’m so sorry, I totally fell asleep on you, didn’t I? You should have wakened me up. That never happens to me, I’m so sorry.” The speed at which she’s talking is impressive, especially since she still slept a minute ago.

“Aren’t you hungover?” Is the only thing that comes to your mind even though you are not. You’re just sleepy and your voice feels rough. You usually don’t use it before your first coffee. You sit up and she seems to think about it. Then she wipes her hand over her face and goes to sit on her own bed.

“I feel like crap. Doesn’t change that I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“It was stupid to get drunk and totally unprofessional. Did anyone see me? God, I hope not. And you had to take care of me, I have to apologize for that, too.”

“Calm down.” You really don’t want to talk right now, it’s way too early, but she’s upset and you overcome the desire to lay back and close your eyes again. “No one saw it, I helped you sneak in here. I checked on all the students when we got back, they were in their rooms. I talked you into going to that bar in the first place, so you’re not the only one to blame. And I was a little bit buzzed, too.”

“How did you even do that? You’re not that much taller than me and I suppose you don’t weigh more than I do. How can you hold your liquor so much better than me?”

“I spent the weekends of the last five years in bars. It’s training.”

Laura looks at you in disbelief and buries her face in her hands. “You could have told me. I tried to keep up with you and that was incredibly stupid.”

“Sorry. See, you’re not the only one to blame.” You chuckle and rummage in your suitcase. You find what you were looking for and throw a pack of painkillers in her direction. She takes it and slouches against the wall and you feel guilty. “Do you want to stay here for a while? I can look after the little monsters at breakfast if you want.”

“No, I’ll just take a shower and get through it. You had enough troubles with me last night. I can’t believe you let me sleep on you.”

What you don’t tell her is that you actually slept a lot better than in the other nights since your panic attack. You didn’t wake up once during the night and you’re not sure if it’s because of the drinks you had or because of her.

~

The bus leaves after breakfast and you take over most of the things Laura did on the journey there. You check all the rooms for forgotten luggage, you headcount twice and tell the students about the next stop and the time you’re presumably home.

Once you’re on the road Laura is sound asleep almost immediately and her head falls on your shoulder. You spend the time until the next stop reading without moving much. You climb out carefully when the bus pulls into a parking spot and let her stay there.

Sometime in the last days you learned that she doesn’t like coffee, so you return with one for yourself and a hot chocolate for her. She’s awake and smiles when you hand it to her.

“I feel kind of bad, you did pay for our drinks last night, too, didn’t you?”

“It’s fine, don’t worry.”

“And everything you did. And _I did_ sleep on you.” She’s almost whispering now even though the students are still outside. “I really have to find a way to thank you when we’re back. Maybe I can cook for you sometime.”

You wonder if this is her asking you for a date or if she’s just friendly. But either way you think you’re friends now. It’s been a while since you had someone you would have called a friend and you weren’t looking for one, but now you don’t oppose it. You even hope it lasts when you’re back home.

~

In the following week you sit with Laura in the lunch break on Monday when LaF joins you while you’re talking. They ask about your trip and you answer, that you two might have had more fun than the students. You underline it with a wink and Laura nudges you hard to shut you up.

LaF looks confused by your sudden change of demeanor. “Wow, you’re actually able to form more than three word sentences, that’s new.”

You roll your eyes at their mocking, but they chuckle and you get that they’re not trying to be mean. “Anyways, I just wanted to invite you over for Saturday, Laura. Perry’s cooking.” They turn to you and think for a second. “Actually, why don’t you come, too? If you’re free, I mean.”

You think about declining because you’re not the type for social gatherings, but before you can say anything, Laura chimes in. “Oh, you have to, those evenings are awesome. Plus, Perry’s food is fantastic.”

She smiles at you and that makes it kind of impossible for you to say no, so you agree to be there.

~

Your mother finds you during your free period the next day and starts to chat about a lot of insignificant things. She has work to do after all and you wait for her to get to the point why she’s here. Finally she hands you an adorned envelope with your name on it.

“It arrived at my house last week, I guess she didn’t know your address. It looks like an invitation, I didn’t know if you wanted to see it, but I thought it should be your choice.”

You stare at the name in the upper left corner and it explains why she’s so anxious about this. Ell. Of course your mother knows that she hurt you. She was the last person you had a real connection with. You stayed alone ever since.

Your mother stands up to go back to her office. “If you want to talk, or kill the rest of my whiskey, you know where to find me.”

You nod and tell her you’ll think about it before she leaves and you get lost in your thoughts.

~

You still gaze at the card after reading it multiple times when the room fills with people and Laura approaches you. She starts to rant about her class, but then she suddenly stops.

“What’s wrong?”

“Hmm?” You didn’t really hear anything she just said but now you turn your attention to her.

“You seem absentminded.”

You hold up the card. “My ex is getting married. She invited me.”

“Oh. Why would you invite your ex?”

“I don’t know.” That question was in your head since you saw the invitation. “We were friends for a long time before we got together, maybe that’s why. But she must know that it’s weird.”

“Do you want to go?” That’s another question you asked yourself frequently in the last hour.

“I have no idea.”

“You can think about it for a while, right?” You thought that, too, first. But then you looked at the date.

“Not so much, it’s in less than two weeks. I was wondering if she only wanted to be polite but hoped I would have plans already.”

“You _do_ send invitations usually a bit earlier,” she says and nods when Danny shows up and you drop the subject immediately.

~

The house Perry and LaFontaine live in is entirely too domestic. It’s small, but they have flowers on the porch and a doormat that greets you. They have rooms for different purposes like grown ups, and it makes you feel like a teenager with your one room apartment, but it’s cozy.

Other than you the guests are Laura and Danny. You still dislike the ginger sasquatch, but you’ve decided to try not to offend anyone, at least until dinner. That resolution lasts until Danny tells the third annoying story about her track team or softball team or basketball team and you ask her if it’s even a sport if you don’t have to jump, in order to reach the basket.

She asks snippy if your books can’t tell you and Perry shoots you both scolding glares but it makes Laura and LaF laugh.

Laura was right, the food is amazing and you make sure to compliment Perry on it. She tells you that she always cooks and bakes because it relaxes her and you think, maybe it’s not the worst thing to know some actual adults.

After dinner you excuse yourself. You’re unaccustomed to listening to four different people at once and you need a break. You ask for a place to smoke and Perry directs you to the porch after handing you a small bowl to use as an ashtray.

The sun has set and you look up and down the dark street while smoking your second cigarette.

“Are you coming back in any time soon?” It’s Laura looking for you.

“A few more minutes.”

She closes the door and leans against the handrail next to you. “Have you decided if you’re going to that wedding or not?”

“No, is it that obvious that it’s still on my mind?”

“Yes, it really is.” She giggles and then turns serious again. “You looked kind of shattered the day you got that invitation. I suppose she broke your heart?”

You nod and she asks “How long has it been?”

“Since we graduated from High School.”

“That’s a long time. Maybe it would get you some closure to see her again.” She laughs when she adds “You could show off a little.”

“Would you come with me? I don’t want to go alone.” You thought about that a lot in the last days. You don’t want to go, but the image of Laura with you makes it a lot more bearable. And she might be right in terms of closure.

You think your question catches her off guard. “If you want me to. Are you sure you don’t want some hot date to impress the fuck out of your ex?”

It’s meant as a joke, but you have enough insecurities to wonder if there’s some truth in it. “I kind of thought I asked someone who fits that description only seconds ago.”

It’s dark on the porch, but you still can see her blush. “Okay then, I’d love to.” You smile at her and she bites her lip before she asks “Does the wedding have a special dresscode or something else I should know?”

“You’re going to a wedding?” You haven’t even noticed LaF opening the door. “I was wondering if you two were ready for dessert.”

You hurry in and sit back at the table where Perry explains how she made the cake. Everyone starts to eat and you think you’re safe when LaF addresses what they just heard.

“So, can we talk about the fact that those two are going to a wedding together?”

“Don’t be nosey. Leave them alone.” Perry reprimands them immediately, but it sounds a lot like they have been talking about you.

You’re not surprised that the ginger giant is entirely unhelpful as well. “No, I’m with LaF here, I want to hear that story, too.”

You look at Laura. She looks embarrassed and gives you an apologetic smile. “It’s no big deal, Carmilla needs a plus one for the wedding of her ex, that’s it.”

“Her ex?” There are a lot of raised eyebrows in front of you. The three of them look alternately from Laura to you and back, and you’re pretty sure they don’t believe her for a second. Fortunately they shut up despite that.

~

It’s weird how your attitude towards the wedding changes after that evening. You’re almost looking forward to it because of who’s your company and it scares you. You got attached and now you’re in too deep.

You still don’t know what to expect when you see Ell again. It’s been a long time, but you thought about her every day since then.

You don’t want her back, not anymore. It took years to convince you that would never happen but ultimately you believed it and stopped hoping. What still hurts though, is the way she ended your relationship and despite that and as stupid as it sounds, you don’t think you’ll ever stop loving her.

You avoided any personal bonds after your break up, afraid that you couldn’t stand losing anyone else. First you did it unintentionally. The people you chose to interact with at university were so different from you that you were never even tempted to spend more time with them than necessary. It came in handy that you never really liked people, and it was easy to pretend no one was friend-material.

You slept with a lot of women instead, the ones Will enjoys mocking you with, but it was all the same. You never had a personal conversation with any of them. You flirted. You let them talk about whatever they want. And you never called.

When you realized for how long you hadn’t talked to anyone just for the sake of talking and having a good time, it was already a habit. It worked for you and there was no risk, so you kept it that way. Until now. Now everything changed and it scares the shit out of you.

~

Ell left home the same time you did, but the wedding is here, where she grew up, and where her family still lives. One of the perks of living in a small town is that most destinations are within walking distance, so you approach Laura’s apartment by foot on Saturday. You wear a black blazer, dark jeans and a tie because you didn’t deem your corset or one of the see-through tops you usually wear to dress up appropriate for such an occurrence.

You ring the bell and when Laura opens the door in a burgundy dress it takes your breath away. You tell her she looks stunning and she blushes before asking you in. She tells you she’ll be ready in a minute and you wait in her living room.

The best thing you can think of to describe it is that it’s really her. She has a lot of books, you think the most of them are Fantasy, and some stuff that you assume is related to various TV shows.

She has a comfortable looking couch and a small TV. The whole room is tidy but you can tell that she spends a lot of time in here. The different pieces of furniture don’t match, but it’s warm and colorful and you like it.

You never thought about how she lives, but it definitely fits.

~

Most guests are already there when you arrive at the church and you sit far in the back. You prefer it anyways. You don’t belong to her family or close friends anymore and besides, you never were a religious person, and you have no idea how to act during the mass.

Ell wasn’t either when you last saw her and you wonder if this is because of her fiancée or because she wanted the big ceremony.

It stings a little when you see her, but not as hard as you expected. She still looks gorgeous. Laura leans a little closer and whispers “She’s beautiful. But I kind of assumed she would marry a woman.”

You explain to her, that Ell had a boyfriend before you were dating and that she always was bisexual so it’s been no surprise for you. “And there goes my illusion of being better at avoiding stereotyped thinking than the average straight person.” She grins mischievous at you and you have to bite back your laughter.

You walk the few streets to the restaurant where the reception takes place when Laura carefully asks, why you and Ell broke up. She adds that you don’t have to tell her if you don’t want to and you consider keeping it to yourself, but she is here with you and she already knows your worst story, so you think it’s safe to tell.

“We were together for three years and best friends for almost ten when we graduated from school. I thought we would go to university together, get an apartment by ourselves. I was content just to be with her, she not so much. She applied for some universities without telling me and when she got in and picked one she told me, she’d be moving to Cologne and spend some of her terms in the United States on an exchange. Everything was planned already. She always had way more friends than I had and she said we both needed to be more self-contained, instead of doing everything together, but I guess she just wanted to start the next part of her life without me. Two months later she said she couldn’t do long distance and ended it once and for all.”

When you finish you’re story, you’re suddenly aware of how clingy that makes you sound and you don’t want her to think of you like that, but all she says is “You should think one could talk about something like that, instead of just disappearing. Especially with your best friend.”

~

You arrive at the restaurant five minutes later and you’re placed at a table with some people you went to school with. They talk about their new businesses and jobs and show you pictures of their own weddings and their kids. It seems like they’re totally different people than they were five or six years ago and you can’t shake the feeling that you’re still the same. Only more guarded.

After dinner you ask Laura if she wants to go for a stroll and she follows you on the spot. As soon as they can’t hear you anymore you start to make fun of them.

“I can’t believe I was ever somehow friends with those people.”

Laura laughs but tells you “Come on, they weren’t that bad.”

You raise your eyebrows in doubt. “Did you hear Robert talking about his handicap? He’s in his mid-twenties and plays golf!”

“Ok, they’re awful. I admit it.”

You go on for a while and when you return to your table you share a lot of knowing glances.

~

Ell’s mother comes to your table shortly after. She hugs you and asks you about the last years when you discover that she somehow knows that you teach at Silas.

“Oh, I was drinking coffee with my neighbor and she takes care of her grandson during the day. He did his homework and started to complain about his history assignment and that his new teacher gave them so much more work than his last. He dropped the name Karnstein and I found out that it was indeed you. I told Ell that you were back here and that she should invite you, even though it was a little late.”

Ell joins you during the story. “I wasn’t sure if you would come.”

“It needed a little persuasion,” you reply and look at Laura who smiles at you. You find her hand under the table and squeeze it gently and she takes the opportunity and interlaces your fingers.

You congratulate Ell and you chat about old times. It’s a bit awkward, but her mother and Laura act as buffer and it could have been worse. You ask Laura to dance when Ell turns to talk to the rest of her high school friends and you gladly leave as they retell the same job, house and kids stories you heard earlier.

You dance for a while and get drinks at the bar afterwards and while the barkeeper prepares your orders you tell Laura, if it ends like last time, you’ll get her home safe. She slaps your arm but chuckles and states that she’s going to behave tonight.

With anyone else you wouldn’t miss out the opportunity to question that and turn it around, but you suddenly feel self-conscious about overtly sexual innuendos, so you keep your mouth shut.

You leave after you finish your drinks. You offer to walk her back to her place and once you’re on your way your hand bumps a few times awkwardly against hers before she takes it and you catch her glancing shyly at you. You walk the remaining time hand in hand.

~

“You were right.” You tell her when you reach the front door of the building she lives in. You came to some conclusions this day, and she has to know.

She looks confused and asks “About what exactly?”

You hate talking about your feelings, so you usually avoided it, even when you were younger, but you broke that rule at least half a dozen times since you met Laura and you figure that you can bend it one more time to tell something that is actually positive.

“About the closure thing. I spend so much time missing her but today I realized, that I actually missed my former best friend and not my ex-girlfriend. And apart from that, it was only the memory I had. We’re totally different people, I guess we’ve always been, and we fit into each other’s lives for a while, until we didn’t anymore. And I don’t want her in my life any more either.”

Your hands are still linked and you lift you gaze up from the spot on the ground it was lingering on to lock eyes with her. She smiles softly at you and it convinces you to keep going even though your voice is really quiet. “Thank you, for coming with me. I had a really nice day with you, despite everything. Maybe we can repeat that sometimes? You know, without the wedding and old friends and exes.”

“I’d like that.” She chuckles and she’s really close now and you’re debating what to do and how to end the evening. “Can you kiss me now?” Or she could just make the decision for you.

You grin like a fool and nod before closing the distance between you and gently kiss her. Your lips barely touch at first and hers are so soft against yours. She lets go of your hand and you wonder why when she loops both of her arms around your waist under your blazer and pulls you closer. You put your hands behind her neck and tilt your head when you deepen the kiss.

Having her whole body pressed against yours sparks your fantasy and you slowly slide your tongue against her bottom lip. She opens her mouth immediately and the feeling of her tongue caressing the outlines of yours is overwhelming.

You stay like this until you remember that you’re still in front of her apartment building and actually you wanted to tell her goodnight, so you break the kiss and cup her cheek with your hand. You try to stick to your plan, but she beams at you and her arms are still around your waist and all you can say is “I should go, but I don’t really want to.”

“Then don’t.” She kisses you fervently again and leads you to the door. It takes forever to climb the few steps to the third floor where her apartment is, you’re too busy pinning each other against walls and kissing like teenagers all the way up.

When you finally reach her apartment you sit on the couch and she gets you both a glass of water before she joins you and you go back to kissing each other.

In the last years you usually tried to get right to the point, there was no reason to extend the foreplay in any way, but Laura is definitely not one of your meaningless one night stands. You let her take the lead, content just to be here. You enjoy every kiss and every little touch way too much and you’re in no rush.

You have completely lost track of time when she straddles your lap and her hands start roaming the sides of your chest. Yours are on the small of her back and in her hair and the kisses are getting sloppier and sloppier.

She pulls back and bites her lip. “How do you feel about moving this to the bedroom?”

You pretty sure she actually only wants to know how far you want to go, and it’s sweet.

“I like your ideas tonight, cutie.” You use your husky voice and you’re completely aware of the effect that can have, especially in situations like this. It works as intended and Laura looks flustered, but she gets off your lap and pulls you up by your tie and into a short but heated kiss.

She grabs your hand and you follow her into her bedroom. She kisses you again and you feel her hands on you collar as she undoes your tie. A moment later it’s gone somewhere on the floor and she moves on to the buttons of your dress shirt.

Her hands are warm on your bare stomach and you shiver at the first sensation but you lean in afterwards. Slowly she moves up to the cups of your bra and strokes you over the fabric.

As amazing as it is, and it really is, you want to participate in the undressing game, too, so you spin her around to stand behind her and lean down to kiss her neck. You pull down the zipper of her dress almost in slow motion and trace your lips over every inch of newly exposed skin. When you reach the small of her back where the zipper ends, you make your way back up and push the dress off her shoulders.

You kiss her neck again and then her shoulder when she faces you and you let your eyes wander over her whole body. She wears plain black underwear and you stare at her slim figure in awe. You’re about to kiss her again, when she drops to her knees in front of you and unbuttons your jeans. She drags it down slowly and slides her fingers along you legs.

She gets up and now that you’re both down to underwear you wrap your arms around her and melt your lips with hers. The feeling of her uncovered skin on yours is almost too much for you and all hesitation is gone. You want her, badly.

You’re pretty sure she shares the sentiment when you both tumble towards the bed, your lips still connected, and fall down next to each other. Only seconds later she grabs both of your hands, rolls you over on your back and pins them next to your head on the mattress. She kisses her way down your neck to your pulse point and sucks and bites your skin there gently.

She lets go of your hands and cups your breasts over your bra. Her eyes lock with yours, silently asking for consent and her concern for you is a massive turn on you never really experienced that way, so you kiss her softly and arch your back to let her unhook your bra before you do the same with hers.

She caresses your breasts and slowly trails her fingers down to the hem of your underwear while she is still staring into your eyes. She hesitates for a moment, but she doesn’t seem to find any hints of doubt in your expression and under no circumstances you’re going to stop her now.

She kisses her way down your chest and removes your panties and then slowly inches her kisses and her touches closer to you core. Your whole body shivers and your breath hitches when her lips touch your clit and _Oh God_ , this feels amazing.

You feel her fingers caressing your entrance before she carefully slides one finger in. She begins to move rhythmically before adding a second and your hips shift a little until you adapt her pace.

Your breath is shallow and you tumble over the edge only minutes later in a series of quiet, incoherent moans. When she crawls up to you and kisses you, you can’t help but grin against her mouth. Your heart feels like it’s going to burst. It’s been a while since you felt anything like this and you’re determined to make Laura feel the same.

You take a moment to catch your breath before you straddle her and lean down to kiss her with all fervor you have. You slightly bite her bottom lip before you move your lips down her throat, along her collar bone and finally to her breasts. You kiss smaller and smaller circles around her nipple until you eventually take it between your lips while your hand travels further down.

You pull her panties down and discard them somewhere. She shivers slightly beneath you when you drag your fingers along her slit. You decide you want to watch her, so you detach yourself from her breasts and kiss her again before you pull a bit back to hover over her.

You start making small circles around her clit. She gasps and she’s staring intensely at you. Every time you hit a particular sensitive spot her eyes close for a second, but she reopens them shortly after to gaze at you.

You kiss her lightly before slowly pushing two fingers inside her, and her head falls back. A quiet moan escapes her lips and you take it as a clue to start moving. She grabs your neck to kiss you sloppily and then wraps her arms around your back to pull you closer.

You slowly speed up your pace and she squirms below you. She’s panting heavily and her nails dig into your lower back when you feel her tighten around your fingers and she comes with a loud moan and an _Oh God, fuck_.

You slump down next to her and pull the covers over the both of you before putting your arm around her waist. “I’m really glad I stayed.”

She shifts closer and snuggles against your side. “Yeah, me too.”

~

In the next morning your limbs are tangled with Laura’s. She cracks her eyes open, looks at you with a small smile and lays back down, her head in the crook of your neck. It’s a really nice way to wake up and although you’re in your usual post-sleep state, and you’ll need at least half an hour to build coherent sentences, there is this smile on your face that doesn’t seem to go away.

Since you haven’t really talked last night you have no idea how to label _this,_ but Laura is wrapped around you, you’re still here and you don’t want to run, so you think it’s fine for now. And she did say yes, when you asked her out.

She shifts and when you feel her kiss you good morning you’re sure she’s awake now. You open your eyes and decide that enough time has passed to keep it that way and you glance at her.

“You know, this is a lot nicer when you don’t get up and run away from me, like last time.”

She smacks your arm playfully and chuckles. “Shut up. Last time the decision to sleep close to you wasn’t really a conscious one. Plus, I wasn’t sure if it was safe to assume that you liked me.”

“You think it is now?” you ask and pull her a little closer to your chest.

“Isn’t it?”

You kiss her.

“It is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time I tried writing smut, hope it's ok.  
> Let me know what you think, I appreciate comments, and find me on tumblr.  
> elessar999.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested, a sequel. Shorter than the first part, nothing but fluff ;)

When you walk home that evening, you’re happier than you've been in a long time.

The two of you stayed in bed long past noon, just enjoying the proximity, cuddling and talking. And kissing. A lot of kissing.

Laura got up after a while and you tried to hold her back, but she claimed she had to go to the bathroom and that it was time for breakfast. It was a little late for that, but you agreed.

You can’t stop yourself from smiling wide, walking alone on that empty road, when you remember coming to her kitchen and finding her flipping pancakes with a lot of flour all over her hands and even on her face.

“I never would have guessed, that you were so cuddly.” She told you, when you approached her, wrapped your arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

You pretended to be offended, but when she added “I like it. A lot.” the stupid grin that’s currently on your face appeared.

The truth is, you always have been, but it was one of the things that disappeared for the time you were by yourself. There are not many opportunities to cuddle, when you leave before daylight.

An old lady passes you on the sidewalk and you’re probably radiating joy, because she smiles at you and nods in your direction. You’re really gross, but you can’t bring yourself to care much.

You spent the afternoon on the couch, watching some TV-show, but you were kind of distracted a lot of the time, so you really have no idea what it was about and there were about 20 minutes between “I really should head home.” and you actually leaving.

You text Laura when you arrive at your apartment to tell her, that you’re home safe like she demanded. You roll your eyes while doing it, because really, you’re not a child and you’re capable of walking those 15 minutes from her place to yours, but it’s cute. Most of the things she does and says are.

The books on your desk remind you, that you have indeed a job to attend the day after. You sigh and sit down to look at the topics you’re going to talk about in you classes tomorrow so you won’t be entirely clueless.

~

In the next morning Laura is already there when you enter the teacher’s room. You both agreed that no one needed to know for now, so you only greet her and give her a half-awake smile when you pour yourself a cup of coffee and sit across from her. You’re not as grumpy as usual, but no one can turn you into a morning person.

You chat, which means she talks and you listen, like any other day, but when she leaves for class and asks “See you at lunch?” it makes you way too happy and you catch yourself counting the hours. That’s really something you shouldn’t tell anyone. It would ruin every façade you ever built up.

When you return for the break LaF sits already on your usual table and you join them. They tell you about the explosion they accidentally caused in their class and how they covered it up by telling this was to demonstrate what they shouldn’t do and by scolding them for not noticing what they were doing wrong ‘on purpose’.

The way they tell their story is quite funny, and you’re laughing so you’re unprepared when they suddenly change the topic and ask “How did the wedding go?”

They smirk at you and you try to cover the smile that’s creeping on your face. You fail miserably and you know it right away, but you play it down.

“It was alright.”

They don’t buy it, but they don’t have time to mock you or dig deeper, because in this moment Laura and Danny come through the door. It makes your smile grow wider and Laura matches your expression. It makes you mentally kick yourself for being so obvious.

“Ha, I knew it.”

You force your eyes on LaFontaine and glare, but they don’t bat an eyelash.

“What’s going on?” Laura asks curious as she and Danny take seats on the table.

“Oh, Carmilla here was just telling me about your date on Saturday.” It’s a forthright lie, and you hope Laura will know that without much explaining. You’re still glaring at them.

“You wish.”

“So it was a date.” They exclaim and their smirk grows wider.

You take out your current book and ignore them. You definitely said enough. They believe whatever they made up in their head and you can only make it worse. Maybe the workplace rule doesn’t apply here, but they’re Laura’s friend, so it’s her part to tell them whatever she wants to or not.

“Okay, then _you_ have to talk. It’s easier to crack _you_ anyway.” You hear LaF say and you keep your eyes on the page. You wonder how Laura is going to handle them.

“Why does it interest you that much?” She’s clearly flustered and you imagine her blushing.

“Just curious.”

There’s a small pause before Laura answers casually. “The wedding was nice.”

“That’s it?”

“You could ask a little more specific. The food was good, bride and groom looked good, Carmilla’s old friends are very domestic. Is that better?“

“I was barely ever friends with them, but yes, they are. Really boring, you know. All kids and houses and cars and golf handicaps.” You glance over the edge of your book and you hope you can distract them a little with unnecessary irrelevant facts.

“I had a high school reunion last year, it was all the same.” Danny says and you think for a moment it might actually have worked, but LaF is still staring at Laura. They wiggle their eyebrows and nudge her arm.

“You really don’t want to say anything else?”

 _God_ , it’s like you’re back in high school. Now that you think about it you actually are, but you thought it would be different than being around gossiping students. Maybe the teachers are just as bad.

You’re glad that in this moment Perry sits down next to LaF. She seems to have control over the science ginger, at least a bit.

You’re not sure what they even want to hear. You haven’t labeled whatever you have with Laura. You know you like her, a lot, and you think she feels the same. You know that you’re going to see her again and that you can’t wait for that to happen. But you will definitely not tell the nosey gingers any of that.

“Are you sure there’s something to tell? Maybe they’re just friends.” The ginger giant intervenes and you wonder where that came from. You were under the impression she and LaF were on the same page about that.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Why do you always have to pry, LaFontaine? Show some manners.” And there is Perry acting like LaF’s mother and as weird as you normally think that is with two people in a relationship, right now you’re relieved about it. You got entirely enough of people talking about you while you’re right next to them.

LaF looks actually appalled, but they stay silent at least temporary.

~

You walk over to Laura’s place with a big pizza that evening. You both have a lot of tests to grad this week, but it didn’t take a lot of convincing when she asked you to come over. Because you need a break every once in a while and you need to eat.

She pecks your lips when you arrive and that’s not at all enough, so you quickly find a place for the pizza box and pull her close to greet her properly. She giggles against your lips and puts her hands around your neck and you sink into the kiss.

“The pizza’s getting cold.” She whispers and you reluctantly let her go.

You sit down and eat and you ask about LaFontaine. You left the table shortly after Perry and you can only imagine how they teased her after they were alone.

“It was pretty much the same as earlier. I didn’t really know what to tell them, to be honest. So I said nothing.”

“What do you mean?”

“We did agree to keep it to us for now…” You think you know what she wants to say, maybe you weren’t quite as clear as you thought.

“That was about work. They’re your friends. You can tell the ginger squad whatever you want, cutie.”

“Whatever I want?” She raises an eyebrow and looks at you doubtfully.

“Well, I’d leave out some details, but that’s up to you.”

“You don’t mind?” She seems surprised and you wonder what she expected. You can’t even hide your smile from strangers, and you definitely don’t want to hide her or the thing between you from anyone.

“Not at all.”

“Okay.”

You finish your food and every time you catch Laura glancing in your direction you smile a bit. When she eats her last bit, she bites her lip and thinks for a moment. She might be up to something, but you wait for her to tell you.

“What if I don’t want to tell LaF anything they want to know?” You have no idea what this is about so you expect an explanation. “They were an asshole today. To both of us. And I kind of want to make them pay.” She hesitates for a moment and there’s doubt written all over her face. “How awful is that?”

It makes you laugh hard. “They deserve it. I’m in.”

~

The next two days you spend every second you’re in the teacher’s room behind your book and you do your best not to make any eye contact with Laura.

On Thursday she comes into your classroom after the bell rings. “Miss Karnstein, would you mind helping me for a second?”

The last of your students leave the room and she closes the door behind her as soon as you’re alone.

“They totally bought it. They apologized about a thousand times.” She says excited and comes to your desk where you pack your books.

“So they hate me now?”

“More or less. But they hate themselves more.” She grins and you can’t help, her being all conspiratorial is hugely attractive. You chuckle and kiss her gently.

“Remind me to always keep an eye on you. I didn’t think you had it in you to be that cruel.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She plays offended.

“Nothing, you’re just nice.”

“From your mouth that sounds like an insult.” She laughs and you’re still only inches apart so you kiss her again.

“I would never insult you.”

“I hope so. And now I have to go, or they’ll wonder where I am.”

“See you later?” You ask hopefully and she nods eagerly.

“How about you show me your place for a change?”

“Sure.”

You watch her leaving your classroom with a grin and think about your plan. You have to go to lunch too, soon, you can’t act out of character now. LaFontaine thinks they’re part of the reason why you and Laura aren’t together and you expect them to come and talk to you. You’re sure they want to fix whatever they think they ruined for Laura so you’re prepared.

~

They wave you over as soon as you enter the room. You have to suppress a grin on how well your plan is working and walk over to them. Laura and the rest of the ginger squad are nowhere to be seen.

As soon as you sit down they start to apologize countless times for being so pushy and tell you that they should left you and Laura alone in the first place.

“Can you please just forget what happened? I thought you two liked each other.” they finish and look at you hopefully.

You keep a straight face during their whole monologue which is harder than you expected but you hope the next part goes as smooth as this. That next part is more difficult. They have to believe what you’re going to say.

“Actually I have to thank you.” You start and their eyes widen in surprise. “I do like her, that’s why I never wanted to hurt her. All your intrusive comments made me realize that I led her on, made her hopes. I don’t do relationships any more. So it was better to tell her now than in a few weeks. We’re better as friends. She’ll see that eventually. And I didn’t even notice what I was doing, you opened my eyes to that.”

They crumble in front of you and you feel a little bit bad. But it’ll last only about 48 hours until you tell them, and you think they deserve that.

They leave you soon after, because really, there is no way of arguing against what you said.

~

The original idea was Laura’s.

“It has to be their fault, at least a bit. They need to feel guilty.”

You came up with the whole commitment-issues-thing. It wasn’t that far-fetched. You didn’t give that speech on a regular basis, you mostly disappeared or let other people, like Will, deal with the girls you slept with, but you remembered it well enough.

“We can’t actually blame them, but we could subtly throw in the pressure they put me under at every chance we get.”

When you caught her staring at you with an unreadable expression for the third time during the time you two mapped out the next days you asked her what’s wrong. She didn’t answer right away and when she did, she looked down at her hands.

“If we make them think they ruined a relationship for imaginary-me, even if it’s actually imaginary-you’s fault… What does that mean for the real you and me?” She asked carefully and you panicked for a second. You didn’t want to imply anything and what if it was all too fast for her?

“Sorry, I didn’t want to scare you, it’s okay if you don’t have an answer.” It began to dawn on you that she might have the same concerns as you and you laughed at the relief.

“It can mean whatever you want.” You said, took her hand and leaned in to kiss her.

“So if I called you my girlfriend, that would be okay?” She asked, still cautious.

“I’d be honored.”

You could tell she was as relieved as you were and you went back to planning after a few more kisses. Later she admitted, she pegged you as the non-committal type and feared that you could run away when hearing the term _girlfriend_. You told her about your relation to imaginary-you and asked if it bothered her, but she shrugged and winked.

“I guess that makes me kind of special.”

You agreed.

~

When Laura comes to your apartment that evening it’s the first time you actually cleaned up since you moved in. You tell her about your conversation with LaF and how devastated they were.

She’s torn for a moment but laughs and exclaimes “Maybe they learn from it.”

That she’s up to something like this prank is still highly unexpected but you like it, she isn’t predictable.

She investigates your shelf with the books and chuckles.

“Do you ever read something fun?”

You stand beside her to see what she’s looking at.

“I had to read some of them at university. But they are fun.”

“Voltaire, Kant and Kierkegaard?”

“Of course.”

“Someone needs to show you what fun is.” She turns to you and takes your face in both hands to kiss you. Slowly she backs you towards the bed until your legs bump against the frame.

“You know, I think I’m quite familiar with the kind of fun you’re talking about.” You let yourself fall down and take her with you.

~

It’s Saturday evening and Laura is supposed to meet LaF and Perry at the local pub. You’re ten minutes late, but you wanted to make sure that they are already there when you walk in. You walked the way hand in hand and you grin at each other before you open the door and you enter.

It’s dark inside and it takes a moment for you to spot the ginger twins at a table in a corner. You walk towards them, Laura’s hand in yours and eyes locked on LaF, you’re not going to miss that.

You’re almost at the table when they notice you. They look at Laura and at you and they jump from surprise to confusion and finally to realization.

“You assholes!”

Perry is surprised, too. Her mouth stands slightly open for a moment but then she laughs and you’re pretty sure she’s on your side right now.

“Seems like it worked.” You grin at Laura and leave them to get you both drinks at the bar.

You watch them while you wait. You think Laura is mocking LaF, they really look offended and Perry seems to calm them down. She pats their back and talks to them, but they shake her off. You get your drinks and go back to the table.

“…sorry sweetie, but you deserved that.”

Perry gets it. You slide in on the bench next to Laura and place her drink in front of her, before you lay your arm around her shoulder and kiss her cheek.

“What did I miss?”

“LaF hates us.” Laura giggles and the fact that she enjoys this so much makes it a lot better for you than it already is.

“Rightfully!” They exclaim, but they’re only met with more laughter.

“How did you persuade her to do this?”

You’re about to start to explain that the original idea was Laura’s and that you wouldn’t piss her friend off this early without her consent when Laura takes over.

“Maybe I was just really annoyed by your behavior. And why does no one believe a prank could be my idea?”

“You?” They’re genuinely surprised.

“Yes, me.”

“I told you, you are nice,” you whisper in Laura’s ear and she gives you a crooked grin.

~

As much as you love having her in your life, there are some occasions when you fall back into your normal behavior of dealing with everything on your own. It’s not that you want to shut her out, you just not used to have someone around to help.

The first time you realize that is after some particularly stressed days. You were busy correcting and grading texts and tests and you had a dead line for the reports.

You meet Laura in the morning at school while devouring a sandwich. She notices instantly, breakfast before 10am is highly uncommon for you. You just can’t eat anything until you’re awake.

You tell her you’re starving, because you skipped dinner and most of lunch the day before in order to finish your work and she instantly scolds you for not calling her.

“I would have brought something over. And I could have helped you.”

You promise to let her know the next time.

~

Another time is now. You lay curled in your bed, the blanket tugged to your chin. The heavy rain thumps on your balcony and against the windows and the thunder seems to shatter the whole building.

The thunderstorm rages for hours. You called in sick for your afternoon classes and your mother understood. She asked if she could do anything, but you told her, you just wanted to be alone. And now you’re here, wincing at every noise, even the buzz of your phone.

You grab it from your nightstand. It’s a text from Laura, asking you if you’re okay and if you’re home, and you missed another one earlier. You only answer the second question and there is no further reply, but a few minutes later your doorbell rings and it’s easy to guess who it is.

You don’t want to leave your bed, but it rings a second time and you think of her standing in front of your door in this weather and it helps you to get up.

You want to hide again as soon as you’re up, but you force yourself to wait by the door until she’s up the stairs and walks into your apartment. Her clothes are drenched and she’s carrying a bag with groceries.

“You look terrible.”

She puts the bag down and gets rid of her jacket before she wraps her arms around you. You’re shaking and you’re exhausted, so you slump into her.

“You could have told me that you were going home.”

You don’t know what to say and your busy breathing anyways, therefore you stay silent. She asks for some pants and changes quickly while you stand awkwardly in the middle of the room. Another peal of thunder resounds and it makes you cringe. You see the compassion in Laura’s eyes as she takes you by the hand and leads you to the bed. She sits down and pats the space next to her and you immediately curl up next to her, your head in her lap.

She pulls the blanket over you and runs her fingers through your hair. Her other arm lays loosely around your back and you grab her hand and interlock your fingers. She needs to know that you appreciate her being here, even if you can’t tell her right now.

The past hours have been horrible and her presence helps calming you down a lot. She whispers soothingly every time you shiver or you’re startled and you lean into her touch and close your eyes after a while.

“You remind me of a cat right now. A giant black cat.” She kisses your forehead and laughs quietly and the sound is the best thing you heard the whole day. It makes you almost smile.

“I’d like to be a cat.” You mumble and you think that Laura relaxes a bit behind you. It’s the first thing you said since she arrived. “Sleep all day. Get fed. Sleep some more.”

The thunder stops in the evening and, although the rain continues all night, you’re a lot better after that.

“I could make dinner if you want. I brought groceries, because I know you usually have nothing to work with.”

She tells you to stay and let her cook, but you feel like you’ve been enough of a burden so far and you insist on helping. You’re not much of a cook, you have the three things you consider your specialties and the rest of the food you’re able to make are things like eggs and bacon, but you can cut things for her and stir in pots.

You go to bed early, the constant panic made you tired, and you don’t talk about whether she stays or not, she just gets in next to you and takes you in her arms.

“Thank you. For everything.” You’re so grateful and she needs to know, but you don’t know how to express it properly, so those fragments have to suffice. “You made it better.”

“I’m glad. Maybe you remember that next time, so I don’t have to figure everything out by myself,” she says, but it has no bite. “I’m here for you.”

You already made a mental note to call her the next time earlier, because you have no idea how she does it, but she’s the first person who’s actually able to help the slightest. You usually locked yourself in your room when you were younger and told your mother and Will to leave you alone and the few times Ell was around when you were having a panic attack she made it even worse. She freaked out and worried far too much. It was far from soothing.

But Laura is just there. And you would never have expected her to be like that, after you heard her rambling nervously over various topics.

She falls asleep before you, and while you lay there with her pressed against you, you think about her and how she crashed through your walls and fell into your life. You trust her completely. You wouldn’t have told her any of your personal stories if you didn’t and you find yourself thinking, that you don’t want to lose her.

The thought scares you, she could easily break you in a heartbeat right now, but somehow you can’t help to feel safe with her next to you. It takes some time before you finally fall asleep, too, and until then the word _love_ comes to your mind a lot more often than you ever want to admit to yourself.

~

You come up with the courage to tell her a week later. You sit in her living room and she lays in your arm on her couch. She tells you about some show she wants you to watch with her. It’s about some teenagers from space or something like that, you’re not that interested.

You play with her fingers while she tells you what has to be the plot of the entire first season and it doesn’t sound that bad. A lot of strong female characters are always a good thing, and she talks in rapid speed about all the things she read about it and is all around just really excited.

Her face lights up every time she tells you another fact and you watch her with a little smile. She catches you staring when she’s in the middle of the detailed description of a battle and she stops in the middle of her sentence.

“Why are you looking like that?” she asks curious and looks up to you.

You don’t answer right away and you can see her getting impatient, unsure of what to expect.

“I love you.”

A wide smile appears and she shifts a little to face you properly.

“Where did that come from?”

You shrug and you don’t know if she actually wants an answer to that.

“But that’s good, because I love you, too.”

She kisses you and you pull her closer until she almost sits on your lap and it takes at least five minutes until she breaks the kiss and looks at you again.

“Does that mean you’re going to watch with me?” she asks and grins and it makes you laugh loudly.

“Yes, cupcake, I’ll watch the damn show with you.”

Because really, there are not much things you’d prefer over sitting on the couch, curled up with her.

~

In December you learn, that Laura is crazy about Christmas. Her apartment looks like a winter wonderland and she even brought you some fairy lights and put them on your windows, because _who doesn’t love Christmas?_

You let her, there is really no point in arguing with her if she set her mind on something, and as long as you don’t have to put them up yourself, it doesn’t bother you much.

She visits her dad one Sunday and when you meet the day after she tells you, he had been asking about you, and he invited you to Christmas dinner with the family.

“You know, you really don’t have to,” she adds quickly. “And I guess you want to spend Christmas with your family anyways and you can meet him some other time if you want to. Or not, no pressure.”

Maybe she assumes you want to say no, but when she tells you about her dad it actually hit you, that you didn’t even tell your mother or Will about Laura. You haven’t talked to them at all, besides when you see your mother at school and now that you’re having a conversation about family meetings you think you should change that first.

You’ve only been together for about two month, but you have been spending a lot of time lately, so there are a lot crazier ideas than to introduce one another to your families.

“Christmas has more than one day. We could split the time, part your family, part mine?”

You would probably only spend one day there and probably get drunk with Will, and the rest of the holidays at home, so that wouldn’t even cut anything short for you. In fact you should ask first, before you invite her, but you know them well enough to know that they will be overtly enthusiastic if you announce that you’ll have company.

“Sounds great, I’ll let him know.” She beams, and yeah, maybe you can share a bit of her spirit.

~

Dinner with her family is at her grandparent’s house. They live next to her dad and you’re told that it’s tradition that her grandmother cooks every year. On your way Laura explains to you, that her grandmother knows who you are and that there will be no problem, but her grandfather on the other hand…

“He’s really conservative and really old. He’s not going to change. I guess he’ll make assumptions, but he chooses to ignore those things. We just shouldn’t make out in front of him, I don’t want him to have a heart attack.”

You go to her dad first. He’s average size and his hair and his beard are partly grey. The way he hugs Laura and asks about everything lets you instantly see that he loves his daughter. He’s a lot more restrained when he greets you and you kind of expected that. Laura told you he was really protective when it came to her, so him being cautious until he’ll figure out if you’re good enough for his little girl is not really a surprise.

She shows you the house and her old room before you go to her grandparents. You laugh when you see the huge _Buffy the vampire slayer_ poster above her bed, which is one of the few things she hasn’t taken to her apartment. Clearly she always loved tv-shows.

Laura’s grandma opens the door and as soon as she lays eyes on you she hugs you.

“Laura talks about you all the time, it’s so nice to meet you.” She says until she lets go of you and you’re a bit stunned.

“Hugging runs in the family.” Laura chuckles and you follow her in.

You’re introduced to her granddad and he asks you how you’re doing but you find out, that he’s almost deaf, so he doesn’t participate much in any conversation afterwards.

Her grandma and her dad however ask you a lot of questions about your job, your family and your time at university. Laura helps you out when they get close to the difficult subjects and finally manages to change the focus completely.

They tell you some stories about little Laura instead and she stops them shortly before they pull out the photo album to show you the matching pictures.

After dinner you sit in the living room and everyone exchanges presents. You kept your distance the whole time since she asked you to be cautious in front of her granddad and you don’t want to do anything wrong, but now she sits next to you and interlaces your fingers and cuddles in your side.

You raise your eyebrow and look at her questioningly, but she just shrugs and tells you “We’re not making out, are we?” So you put your arm around her.

Her granddad sees you and he looks a bit weird for a moment, but you think she’s right, he doesn’t want to know, he just busies himself with a crossword puzzle. Her grandma on the other hand smiles softly.

~

The next day you spend at your mother’s house. You think it must be a little bit strange for Laura to go her boss at Christmas when she greets your mother with “Nice to see you, Mrs Karnstein.” But your mother quickly corrects her.

“We’re not at work, call me Lilita.”

Will is already there and he immediately drags Laura into a conversation about you as soon as you sit down.

“I nearly choked on my soda when mom told me she was bringing her girlfriend.” He nods in your direction. “And then I high fived myself when she told me who you are, because I totally called that when I convinced her to go on that trip with you. And mom, too. Right?”

“We had our suspicions.” Your mother says and grins. It leaves Laura confused.

“Wait, before Rome?”

“They thought I had a thing for you, for whatever reason.”

“Did you?”

“She said _you don’t annoy her_ which is about the nicest thing she said about anyone in a decade.” Will chimes in. And he’s really his most embarrassing self today. “Plus, she helped you, voluntarily.”

“Is that how you usually court your women?” Laura chuckles and takes your hand. “But I remember definitely things you said that I prefer to _I don’t annoy_ you.”

“Yeah, I thought so.” And for a second you forget that your terrible brother sits across from you and you lock eyes with her and smile genuinely. You’re about to kiss her, when he laughs.

“Wow, it got you bad, sis.”

You sigh and turn to him.

“Shut up.”

He only laughs harder and yeah, it wasn’t the best comeback. You wait until he finally finds something else to talk about and turns his attention to your mother until you shift closer to Laura and whisper in her ear “Don’t tell him, but he might be right.”

She giggles and this time you don’t let Will interrupt and close the distance to lightly brush your lips against hers.

Soon after he asks about Rome and you and Laura tell together what happened in those five days. The first critical point is when you mention the missing kids, but your mother only laughs and tells you “You found them and nothing happened, that’s all that matters.”

When your story reaches the last evening and you remember what comes next you pause awkwardly and glance towards your mother, because you should just skip the drinking part, but she notices and says “Everything you two say outside of school is off the record, I won’t hold you responsible for anything.” You finish the story and Will and your mother laugh hard at the image of you two sneaking into your hostel and Laura falling asleep on you.

As if she wants to prove that her words are true your mother then launches into a series of stories about the field trips she chaperoned in her first years as a teacher. It turns out that she also had an adventure including too much alcohol and another with four students missing in Amsterdam. They returned the next day insanely high and with their pockets full of weed, so you think you did fine.

Your personal favorite of all the stories is the one in which a student drank the whole night and puked in the German Hygiene Museum in Dresden.

The whole evening is really funny, Laura gets along great with the both of them and they keep the embarrassing stories about you to a minimum.

Before you leave your mother takes you to the side.

“You haven’t talked and laughed that much in years. You seem happy, I hope you intend to keep her.”

“Mom, it’s only been a bit more than two months,” you sigh and roll your eyes. She doesn’t look convinced and you feel like a child that has to report to their mother. But you definitely thought about that, so you add “But I don’t want to mess this up.”

“Good, that’s all I wanted to hear. Then you’ll be fine.”

You hope she’s right.

~

The months fly by and during spring break you take Laura to Paris. You do the touristy things for her, but you also show her the spots you usually went to when you were here for university.

You only once run into one of your former study buddies. She’s a waitress in the small bistro you’re having dinner and she eyes your and Laura’s linked hands suspiciously, so you leave as soon as you're done.

You spend the days strolling through the city and even though you’re together all the time for seven days you not once want to be rather alone.

It’s something you also noticed at home when you spend some days in a row together. Sometimes you argue, but you never actually fight and it never lasts long because it’s never unfounded and neither of you ever simply walks away.

~

The end of the school year is near and your contract ends. You did sign up for only a year, because you didn’t know if you’d like it or if you wanted to stay for longer, but lately you can’t think of you anywhere else.

You really started to like your job. The kids are still annoying sometimes, but you spend your time with a subject you’re actually interested in and you have at least some students in every class who like to listen to you. And the topics you talk about change all the time, so you only have to repeat the same speeches once a year.

You walk into your mother’s office to talk about it. You tell her, you want to stay if it’s possible and she agrees immediately.

“That’s great. It’s one position less I have to worry about.”

You sign a permanent contract about a week later and it feels a bit weird. It feels like settling down even though it’s technically not different to the last year.

~

The weekend before summer break you spend at Laura’s place. On Sunday evening you’re cuddled on the couch when you mention, that you have to go home soon, because you have no more clean clothes here.

“Do you really have to?” She almost whines and yes, it’s really comfortable right now.

“Only three more days of school. Then I can walk home whenever I want during the day to get clean stuff. And to do some laundry, which I really should do sometimes.”

“That’s better. But…” She considers what she’s about to say for a second before she continues. “…you could just bring your stuff here.”

You sit up and look at her. “Like moving in?”

“Yeah, you’re always here anyways and a lot of your things are here, too. It would be easier. If you want, of course.”

“I think I’d like that very much.”

She’s right, you almost live there already and you don’t have that much stuff, so it will fit easily.

You stay that night, although you have to get up early to head home before school. You start packing things and as soon as school is over you move your things to Laura. You bring the last box in and since you had a spare key for months and you agreed to handle the lease without contract there’s nothing left to make it official.

She smiles, as exhausted as you are, and she approaches you and wraps her arms around your neck.

“Welcome home.” She whispers, before she kisses you deeply, and yes, this is definitely home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments.  
> ghost-in-your-house.tumblr.com


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